Burning Christmas Trees and More Random Insanity
by inkedhymnal
Summary: Random acts of insanity that just came into my head. Pointless. Nothing to it. One chapter now, more later. R&R please. Thanks! ^_^
1. O Christmas Tree

As I promised you people, I am writing an Insanity fic for YYH! BWHAHAHAH! A lot focuses on Hiei cause quite frankly, that little dude can cause of a lot of damage in a short time with a short temper and when he is on a sugar high. So let us believe he is on a sugar high through many of these little….er….scenes,  shall I call them? Yes, scenes. And yes, I know it is not Christmas, but this just came to me so go with it all you technical people out there. Anyway, on with the INSANITY!

**(This was co-written with my best friend, so partial credit to her! ^_^ BWHAHAHAHA!)**

**(Anything without a label is me talking)**

***~*~*~*~*~***

Scene 1 – O Christmas Tree 

Kurama: Here we are at the next house. Which song should we do now?

Yusuke: *flips through music* How about _O Christmas Tree_?

Touya: *annoyed look* _How did they rope me into this?_

Because I want you in it.

Jin: Oh, look, the words in the sky. Hi words!

I AM THE AUTHORESS! CAN'T YOU PEOPLE GET ANYTHING RIGHT?! 

Yusuke: Is it that time of month again?

NO! NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

Jin: Oi, ain't she the loud one? *squeaky squeak* 

Kurama: I quote 'I have an attitude. Be afraid, be VERY afraid'. Unquote.

Jin and Touya: *blank looks* Oh. O__O

Kurama: Let's just sing before these people begin to think we're solicitors. 

Hiei: *bounces into scene* La Li Ho! 

Yusuke: Have you been watching Gravitation again? *sweatdrop*

Hiei: That and drinking spiked hot cocoa.

Everyone: WHAT?!

WHAT?! WHO IN THE NAME OF SHINIGAMI GAVE YOU THAT?! 

(Shinigami = god of death)

*FLASHBACK*

*Kuwabara-baka dumps in huge amount of sugar for maximum amount of embarrassment for peers*

Kuwabara-baka, that much sugar is not healthy for them. Especially you-know-who. 

Kuwabara-baka: It can't hurt.

Uh-huh. Sure. Whatever damages my house and my computer receive come out of your fast draining wallet. 

Kuwabara-baka: But I paid for the last mess they all made!

You were the one who got them on a caffeine high from the cappuccinos! 

Kuwabara: *grumbling* Fine! 

*END OF FLASHBACK*

KUWABARA-BAKA!!!!!!!

Kurama: Duck.

Jin and Touya: Why?

*cans, garbage, banana peels, and sledgehammer go flying past*

Jin and Touya: O_____O

Hiei: *starts singing loudly*

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree!  
How I enjoy torching thee!  
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,  
How I enjoy torching thee!  
  
Although you're usually really lame  
You're kinda cool when doused in flames.  
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,  
How I enjoy torching thee!   
  
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,  
How good your burnt scent smells to me!  
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,  
How good your burnt scent smells to me!  
  
For every year O Christmas tree,  
How burning you brings such joy and glee.  
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,  
How good your burnt scent smells to me!  
  
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,  
Thy needles burn so brightly!   
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,  
Thy needles burn so brightly!   
  
Although the others stare and blanch

The flames beautifully flicker on your branch!  
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,  
Thy needles burn so brightly!

Everyone: O______________________________O *crickets chirp*

Mother of the Daughter in the House Staring at Hiei as He Sings: You crazy pyromaniac! *turns to daughter* Don't listen dear! Come on! Let's go have some eggnog! *slams door as she covers daughter's ears*

KUWABARA-BAKA! *he appears and I have my sledgehammer back* *tosses up and whacks like he's a baseball*

Kuwabara-baka: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *flies about ten houses down and twitches in the large pit he made in the snow*

YOU ARE PAYING FOR HIS PSYCHIATRIC HOSPTIAL BILL, YOU HOT COCOA SPIKER! 

Kurama: Hiei? You okay?

Hiei: SUGAR! 

Touya: Does anyone else smell burning fur? 

Hiei: Oh, that's just Kuwabara's kitten. 

Kuwabara: WHAT?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER?!

Hiei: *runs him through his sword and snow turns red* *big goofy, sugar induced smile* Oops, too bad. *thoughts – _Not really.* ^________^_

Yusuke: Three cheers for Hiei and the death of Kuwabara-baka! *grabs some eggnog*

THAT'S NOT SPIKED IS IT?!

Yusuke: Honestly woman, you think I'd do that?

Should I honestly have to answer that?

Jin: No.

It's called sarcasm Jin. 

Jin: Huh?

*sweatdrop* Never mind.  

Hiei: *bounces off to go burn people's Christmas trees, singing O Christmas Tree the whole time*

Well, that's not exactly how I envisioned my Christmas tree, but okay, I'll go with it. *shrug* Someone get me Kuwabara-baka's wallet so I can get the money for the hospital bill. 

Kurama: You're honestly sending him there?

He needs it. And besides, it'd be fun to watch him go insane in an overly padded room where he can't do any damage.

Kurama: Quite the sadist, aren't we? 

You have no idea. Have we forgotten already what I did to you in the second Harry Potter crossover fic?

Kurama: *shudder* GOD! Don't bring that up! 

BWHAHAHAHAHA!

Yusuke: Right, well, Jin, let's go home.

Jin: Yay! *glomps*

What about you two? *eyes Kurama and Touya*

Touya: I think it's funny how the hospital people are trying to sedate Hiei so they can actually get him into the straight jacket. 

Kurama: It's disturbing, is what it is. 

*Watches as the hospital people try to stamp out the flames on their clothes* I'll say this much, Hiei can sure light up the scene, although not in the safest of ways.

Touya: I want to open presents! Let's go!

Kurama: *looks at the scene again* Eh, why not? He'll just go home later on once he's charbroiled the hospital men. Come on Touya! *grabs and drags down the street* 

Too true. *grabs her friend and their bishounen and heads home* Merry Christmas!

Hiei *in background*: BURN CHRISTMAS TREE BURN!!!! BWHAHAHAHA!!!!

And to all a good night.

End Scene 1 – O Christmas Tree 

*~*~*~*~*~*

I may continue this in another chapter. It depends if the right subject comes and my friend and I laugh our heads off at it. So, anyway, REVIEW! 

Hiei: BURN!

Every time you review, I get fifty cents towards helping him. So, if you truly care, you'll be a good fan and review!

- Kyen and April-chan


	2. Roasting Rudolph, Smurf Shish Kebob, and...

Hi everybody! Guess who? It's April-chan and Blaque Midnyte! Wheeee! Let us still pretend Hiei is on a sugar high, because quite frankly I like him that way (sometimes – he ruins dinner when he's too hyper. God, how many beans went down my shirt when he flicked them at me?!)

**Right, well, anyway, still Christmas based, so, have fun! **

Insanity 2 – Roasted Rudolph, Smurf Shish Kebob, and Santa Needs a New Outfit 

(The person talking in **bold** is April-chan, the co-author in this fic for you people who don't read the ranting section. **The person talking in **normal** font is me – Blaque Midnyte for you people who can't figure it out on your own)**

Everyone! We're going to go meet Santa and the reindeer!

Everyone: Joy. 

Oh come on! I know you want to give Santa your Christmas Lists!

Everyone: …..*crickets chirp* 

Okay. I'll buy you something if you come with April-chan and me.

Everyone: LET'S GO!! ^_____________________________^

-_______- () *sigh* The things I do to get appreciation around here. 

*At the mall*

Yusuke: Why are they playing the Christmas Tree song? Didn't Hiei screw that one up already?

These people are rather slow, so give 'em a break. *finds Santa and points* SANTY CLAUS!

Hiei: *sees Christmas trees behind Santa Claus* CHRISTMAS TREES!

Kurama & Yusuke: *dive for Hiei* NO! DOWN HIEI! NOOOOOO!!!

That was over dramatic and you now have half the mall staring at you. You know that, right?

Yusuke: It was either that or have the mall burn down.

Dear, it would burn down anyway. It's Hiei we're talking about. Or at least, who you're trying to strangle, but just the same – eh? Hiei, what ARE you doing?

Hiei: *sniff, sniff* Is that – coffee? Wait – coffee is sweetened, and where there is sweetened coffee, there's – SUGAR!!!! *sprints like a maniac towards Starbucks*

**NOOOOOOOO!! Starbucks people, run for your lives!!**

Starbucks people: *scatter like the ants in The Happy Tree Friends (Crazy Ant-ics) and scream like little girls*

**STOP THAT SWEET TOOTHED DEMON!!**

Jin: And you want us to what, Words?

**GET HIM YOU FOOL!!!**

Jin: How?

**I don't know. WITH YOUR POWERS, MAYBE?! **

Jin: But you're supposed to walk in a mall. Why should I fly when you're supposed to walk?

You're worse than my sister and Pooh Bear together. It takes A LOT to be worse than Pooh Bear. -_-;;

Starbucks Manager: You WILL be paying for the damages to my store, right?

Why would I do that?

Hiei: *incinerates manager with Black Dragon and bounces off like a bunny rabbit on an adrenaline rush* 

Manager: *cough and exhales cloud of smoke* On second thought, forget that. 

Hey, at least it's not coming out of MY pocket.

Well, since they've closed the mall due to Hiei, why not go to the North Pole instead?

Touya: YEAH! The icy coldness!

Everyone: Don't encourage them!

Too late! Off we go! *makes a few calls like Kim Possible* Right! No one is home. So, Jin, can you…well, make us fly?

Jin: I think so. 

Good! Cause that's the plan!

Kurama: IT'S WHAT?! 

You heard her. That's the plan.

Kurama: But what about Hiei?! What if he flies off?!

He'll get there eventually. The earth is round, dear. 

Kurama: What if he flies too high and gets sucked into a jet engine?!

Oh well, he'll just miss Christmas this year. It's not like he was a Christmas enthusiast in the first place. 

Kurama: But what if –

SHUT UP ALREADY! We're going, and THAT'S THAT!

Kurama: *whine* Yes ma'm.

Good fox. 

*At the North Pole with Santy Claus*

Santa: Ho ho ho! What brings you *stops and counts* seven to the North Pole?

Yusuke: The words in the sky.

Santa: *stares* 

Jin: *points up* The words in the sky! The authoresses!

Santa: Oh! I'm with you now! *thoughts – Actually, not really -_-'*

**April-chan **& Blaque Midnyte: Hi Santa! We came to give you our lists!

Santa: AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jin: We TOLD you. Words! 

Santa: *panting* Right. Anyway, what to do you two…authoresses want? 

*ten mile long scroll falls out of sky*

Santa: O__________O   Oh my. Aren't we selfish little children?

**We're NOT children, you tub o' lard! **

Hiei! Sic 'im! 

Hiei: *doesn't respond. He's too busy being annoyed as eye twitches at Rudolph's blinking nose*

Oh dear.

Not good. 

Touya: What's not good? It's cold! It's great!

Kurama, Yusuke, and Jin: *shivering with snot icicles* SHUT UP!

**No! Not the cold! The reindeer!**

Jin: What reindeer?

-_-;; Let us try the one Hiei is ready to roast and turn into venison that's about ten paces from Santa.

Jin: That's a reindeer? I learned something new today.

Touya: For a Shinobi, he isn't too bright with matters outside the ring. 

Us: Well duh. 

Hiei: SHI NE!!*roasts Rudolph* (shi ne! – die!)

Santa: NO! RUDOLPH! WHO WILL GUIDE MY SLEIGH?!

*** shrug* Just put some headlights on the front reindeer.**

And to think of all the years I wasted singing my praises to a reindeer with a blinking nose. 

The Smurfs: *swarm out of factory mourning Rudolph* Rudolph! Nooooo!!!

Us: Are those…._Smurfs_?

Santa: Yeah. I employed them last year when half my elves quit. 

Us: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hiei: *eyes twitch madly as they are filled with the color of Kuwabara-baka's uniform* Blue…blue everywhere! *pulls out katana* 

Us: We suggest you run Smurfs. 

Smurfs: Why? We mourn Rudolph!

Us: We don't care about the stupid reindeer and you won't in a minute. 

Smurfs: We still don't get it. 

*points to Hiei licking katana blade with eyes burning red* That's why. 

Oh yay! Blood and carnage!

Hiei: MUST……. KILL…….BLUENESS!!!!! YEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Smurfs: *scatter like a swarm of pigeons being chased off by a child* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Hiei: *runs after them* *stab stab stab stab stab stab* *holds up bloody Smurf shish kebob with evil grin* BWHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

Us: That was fun. 

Rest of the Smurfs: *flee North Pole*

Santa: My workers! What am I going to do without my workers?!

Retire. 

Yes! No more singing my praises to that fat tub 'o lard!

Santa: But what about the millions of little children waiting for their gifts to be delivered and their stockings filled?

One, you're too old. Two, everyone with sense in them knows that you're just a made up fairy tale. Three, that's what Mom and Dad are for.

Santa : I'm made up?

Yep.

Santa: Just a fairy tale?

Yep.

Santa: *drops to knees* I'm going to cry now…….

Yusuke: You do that. *goes to plunder candy shop*

Santa: *bawls*

Hiei: SHUT UP, YOU FAT MEANINGLESS BEING!!! *roasts Santa* 

Santa: *starts running around trying to put out the flames*

Elf: Santa! Oh no! Santa!

Wow. Jelly belly's getting some long awaited exercise.

Santa: and his outfit falls off, corset and all, his blubbery gut toppling out over his waist*

I did NOT need to see that. _ 

The horror! *eyes fall out* Ah! My eyes! 

Touya: …….that's disgusting. *buries head in snow*

Jin: I've been scarred fer the rest of me life! 

Yusuke: Gross! *kicks onto ice as Santa breaks it and falls into icy cold water*

Santa Popsicle! 

……Well, at least thousands of years from now, he'll be well preserved. O______O

*At campfire, everyone is eating Rudolph venison*

Kurama: Well, today certainly was…… interesting.

At least Hiei had fun, now, didn't you, Hii-chan?

Hiei: *holds up venison and sniffs it* *takes a bite and spits it out* It's not sweet.

It's not supposed to be, dear. O___O

Hiei: I want SUGAR!!

No more sugar for you, man.

Well, now that Santa really _is_ nothing but a made up memory, no longer shall little children's minds be corrupted with tales of Santy Claus being real! All you dimwit children out there who actually _believe_ that crap, look past it! It is NOT real!!

April-chan! Don't ruin their little childhood beliefs!

Why not? Parents shouldn't do that to their children, putting little false theories into their heads! *rants on and on about the matter*

*whacks April-chan with her piece of venison* Man, shut up. We get it.

Jin: So, is the point of Christmas to be disgusted and watch Santa drown?

No, not exactly.

Jin: What is it then?

*thinks* It's supposed to be disgusting, watching Santa drown, and getting presents you don't really deserve.

Jin: Cool. 

Hiei! Pass the Smurf shish kebob!

Hiei: *passes it after dumping a large quantity of sugar on venison and his own Smurf shish kebob*

Hiei, that's not healthy. *eats Smurf shish kebob*

Hiei: So? *starting to get hyper*

Oh dear.

Everyone: What?

Us: He's sugar high.

Everyone: O____________O Uh-oh.

Hiei: SUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *lets loose a large wall of flame*

*spits out water* Thanks a lot Hiei! 

Hiei: *swimming around with the seals* Wheeee!

Jin: *nice and dry since he can fly* I don't see what the problem is.

THE ICE CAP JUST MELTED! GOLBAL FLOODING! HELLO!

You could have suspended us in the air to, you know!

Jin: I'll do that next time.

-_- () Right. I'll leave it be. Let's just…go home.

If it's not flooded due to a certain someone.

Kurama: Just swim!

*starts swimming home* Next time, if I want to swim during Christmas, I'll go to Australia. 

Hiei: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Everyone: *sigh* -_- ()

End Insanity 2 

Yeah, well, again, every review gets us 50 cents towards helping the little man. So be a good fan and review!

- Blaque Midnyte and April-chan


End file.
